Category Archives: movies
Muppet Christmas Carol. Because the best Scrooge is Michael Caine. Period.
Best line of it yet: “KHAAANNNN!!!”
Guess which one?
BAM! The movie of choice in 1998! And the poster is still up on my wall after all those years… next to my Star Wars Podracer poster, and my map of the Lewis and Clark expedition, and one wall over from my US presidents (up to Jimmy Carter) poster, and across from the glued together Totoro puzzle and 1997 Denver Broncos AFC Champions pennant…
I found it to be an utterly fascinating look at all the work that goes in to one of these handcrafted, amazingly intricate devices–from the guy who goes up to Alaska to source wood, to the concert hall pianist who faces the painstaking choice of which work-of-art piano to use with his next performance at Carnegie Hall, and everyone in between. It’s the people who make this one–it’s just amazing to see the complete melting pot that is Steinway and Sons. There’s the Puerto Rican guys who can’t even speak English, and the lady making frames who sounds like she’s from Russia, and all of the stereotypical New Yohkers. All of them show immense pride in the quality of their work, and it shows.
Very interesting, and very good. I give it 5/5, the best documentary I’ve seen since Horatio’s Drive.
Saw Wreck it Ralph over the weekend, the latest from Disney–if you haven’t seen the trailers then the synopsis would be something like this: Inside the arcade, all the characters of the video games have real lives, and go about their business when the lights go off after closing time. Think, maybe, Toy Story by way of Tron (or vice versa), only without any Real Life People in it to muddle the audience’s emotions. It has so many video game tropes in it, from the hard as nails female leader in the FPS game (with the “most tragic back story ever”) to the ultra-cutesy Japanese chibi characters in the candy-themed Mario Kart analogue. Well paced, well voice-acted, a storyline–or at least, a setting–original enough to keep you invested besides just the gleeful animation… if you have ever in your life enjoyed a video game or an arcade, I would highly recommend it. Heck, I’d recommend it even if you just like a good animated movie every so often. And considering that the review in the paper was written by some Chicago Libtard who is utterly and completely convinced that this movie and the video games behind it are the reasons they have so many gang shootings (no, I am not exaggerating; it really was that bad), you might enjoy it just to piss him off.
9/10, and yes, if I had an excuse, I could be talked in to going to see it again in theaters.
Oh, and can I just say that I heartily approve of the idea of Disney putting little shorts at the beginning of their movies, even if the one opening for Wreck it Ralph was a little bit “meh”?
I watched the new Conan the Barbarian movie last night, because it was on Netflix and my mother wasn’t home. It was surprisingly good. That is, I went in with low expectations and they were mildly exceeded. If you like movies with evil witches and warlords, movies where heroes who only suffer setbacks when it advances the story, movies where the men wear leather armor and the ladies don’t wear much of anything, movies that surpass “occasional limb hacked off” and go straight for gore Gore GORE, implausibly cheesy amounts of gore! and/or movies where there is little dialogue, what dialogue there is is muddier than Bane on severe depressants, but it doesn’t matter because there’s another sword fight to watch–ooo! this time on a boat–this time in a cave–this time with a giant sea monster–Conan might be right up your alley. It’s like a slightly less goofy Scorpion King, even down to the protagonists looking like they could be cousins. I would rate it at… oh, say, three slabs of well aged bleu cheese out of five.
Oh yeah, and there was a cat fight–with skulls! And a sand battle. And two sidekicks–one who was a big black guy, and one who was a slinky little middle eastern guy. Come to think of it, it pretty much was Scorpion King, without Dwayne The Rock Johnson.
So the newspaper the other day ran an article talking about the local Regal theater implementing a new “check the bags of patrons” in the wake of the Aurora shooting.
Yeah. They really are that dumb.
Two things immediately leaped, leaped, I say! out at me.
1) The only people who bring bags in to the theater are girls. And I can’t personally think of any mass shooting done by a female. Ever.
and of course, 2) MR. BATSHIT IN DENVER DIDN’T EVEN BRING A BAG IN TO THE THEATER. Unless you count coming in through the emergency exit? That’s it! They should implement a “All Emergency Exits Will Be Permanently Sealed Off” policy! It would have been way more effective in this case at preventing Mr. Batshit from coming back in with his guns!
On the plus side, the newspaper interviewed a lady who pretty much pointed out how completely epically failtastic the theater’s policy is. Unfortunately, it appears that the stupid that is Regal is endemic to their entire corporate system. Even more unfortunately, the only other choice of theater in town never has any of the good new releases and hasn’t mopped their floors since 1994, while the Regal really is a pretty swanky place (theater seating, tons of legroom, CLEAN, etc).
So as I mentioned yesterday, last night I went to see the third Batman movie. I thought it was very good, at least in terms of film making goes–even though it is pretty long, I never really felt that it was being drawn out. Some of the plot points seemed a bit rushed, actually, and I could have used a tad more detail on what went on since the last one.
I quite liked Bane as a villain, and though much has been made about his voice I didn’t think it was unintelligible, except for the places where the music was playing and couldn’t hear anyone. Still a very dark film, though not as crushingly as the last one–mostly because of the ending, which wraps everything up very well but also leaves an opening or two for future films if they want (i.e., if the new Superman movie bombs like they seem to do).
In terms of this years movies, the Avengers is still my favorite, but then, I’m more into the lighthearted stuff rather than the dark drama-y stuff anyway, so it’s just a matter of taste.
If you have seen the first two Batmans, you owe it to yourself to watch this one, and more importantly, if you enjoyed the first two you will enjoy this one as well.
Went to see Pixar’s latest, Brave.
It was an excellent Disney movie.
It was a mediocre Pixar movie.
Watch it for the music and the excellent visuals, but not for the plot, which, while it was a pretty good princess-coming-of-age story, is still just a princess-coming-of-age story.
Slightly unrelatedy, I really liked the short that introduced the film.
Went to see The Avengers last night. If you enjoyed any of the Marvel superhero movies leading up to this one (the Iron Mans, Thor, Captain America, and possibly one or the other of the Hulks), you will get a kick out of this one. Excellent action, but not at the expense of some actual, you know, STORY (are you listening Micheal Bay?), great character interactions, and the best Final Boss Battle since the Firefly pilot, I give it 10/10 on my Superhero/Summer Blockbuster movie scale. I’m even considering spending the $10.50 to go see it again.
A bowl of lucky charms and a glass of whiskey with “Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow” on the boob tube. Life is good.